Everyone in Singapore should have at least heard of the gang 369. Its just a name created by some gangsters who roamed the streets to identify themselves and try to make everyone scared of them. They even expanded and multiplied by recruiting school dropouts or some old Uncles who have tattoo all over the body just like Micheal Scoffield from Prison Break. Maybe they can recruit Christopher Lee soon.

Now, let me reveal to you the darkest secrets of the gang 369, and how they were formed.

Long before our times (or some of our times), there were 6 good buddies who played and grew up together. All of them had a common trait. They were all dropouts from school. They would always get together to play to eat and even to sleep together. Soon, they were so attached to each other that they have formed a sort of brotherly bond.

As soon as they hit their teenage years, they started roaming the streets. And they soon found out the dirty little business that were running in Geylang. They wanted to have a go at it, but they realized that the services there of cause, required a little fee. Broke they were, but they managed to find themselves a job serving Coffee at some old coffeeshops. After a month of hard work, they could finally get their hands on some cash. They got together and happily travelled to their destination, to accomplish a common goal that all of them had.

Upon reaching their desired destination, they quickly rushed to the nearest chick there was and got their hands on her. But as soon as they were ready to bring the chick to a nearby hotel, they were stopped by a group of gangsters which are more popularly known as “Ah bengs”. This group of “Ah bengs” had named themselves AST, which is well knowned as Ang Shun Tong. But what others did not know was AST actually has another meaning. It means A Sex Triad. These group of people stopped the 6 great buddies from entering their territory as they were afraid that the buddies were trying to fight for their territory.

So they taught them a lesson and brutally beat the 6 buddies up. They extorted money from them, but only managed to get a mediocre sum from them. So they decided to throw them all into a Gay street and were forced to be engaged in sexual activity with them. After several nights, they managed to escape Hell and got far away from that place with tattered clothes on them. The 6 of them decided to take revenge and to grow stronger in order to fight back.

A few days after the escape, they still could not come up with an idea. But the 6 of them were growing hornier as time passes. This time they could hold no longer and had to perform sexual activities on each other to ease their urge. Miraculously, the favourite position that the 6 of them liked was the 69 position! After that intimate session, they all came up with an idea, just like AST. They decided to call themselves 369, which stood for Three 69 positions. Having created the foundation, they all now needed manpower to overcome the overwhelming power of AST. So, they spent nights recruiting anyone that suited their criteria, one who knows the 69 position. Very soon, they got up an army of gangsters and fought the AST to retrive their honour. They won gracefully and owned the whole of Geylang.

The society has now grown much smaller as there are lesser Gays in this country. And they soon resorted to recruit and school dropouts and old Uncles who sit in coffeeshop, drinking beer and doing nothing else.

Everyone knows about 369, BUT THE GREAT X KNOWS ABOUT THEIR HISTORY AND REVEALS IT TO YOU NOW.

Author

got it from eastcoastlife 

I was on the line with my Chinese partner when one of my Marketing Executives, Josephine, rushed in. She looked hot and flustered. She waited for me to finish my call before telling me in an urgent tone.

“Boss! Boss! Gerard needs ER! He’s in the Men’s Room!”

“Huh? What ER? What happened? He fell?”

“Quick! You go and see lah!”

I rushed towards the Men’s Room where several of
the female staff, who have not gone for lunch yet, were gathered outside. They were giggling and shouting out to the men inside the washroom. I barged into the Men’s Room, leaving the gals gasping loudly at my action.

I saw Man and Arshad standing outside a cubicle. I went forward and saw Joe kneeling down in front of Gerard who had his pants half-way down. Gerard got a shock when he saw me and yelled,”Close the door!!!”

“What the Hell is happening? What are you doing, Joe? ” I raised my voice. I was disgusted by the scene right in front of me and put out my right hand to stop the door from closing.

“Gerard’s got his dick caught in the zipper! hahahaha….” Arshad offered an explanation.

“What? Let me take a look!” I tried to push the door open.

“No! No! No! Joe’s helping me.”

“I cannot do anything lah! You have to go to the hospital.” Joe stood up and declared defeat.

“What? How can I go out like this? It’s lunch time, the whole Suntec City is packed! Owww …. sh*t! Can you all get Boss out? Call her for what! ”

“Let me see!” I dragged Joe out of the cubicle and charged in.

“weiiii!”

Despite Gerard’s protest, I knelt down, brushed his hands away and tried to survey the extent of the damage. I could hear the other guys sniggering away. The poor fellow has got a teeny piece of foreskin caught in his zipper. The zipper could neither go up nor down then. Ouch! I could almost feel his pain. hmmmm…. it’s a tricky task as to how I’m going to get his dick freed.
“Get me a pair of scissors! And my glasses. I can’t see so near.”

“Weiii! Don’t anyhow cut arh! I still want to celebrate Father’s Day! Wait! Wait!Wait!”

“You want to walk through the lunch time crowd in this condition or not? This type of small case no need to go to the hospital lah! Who ask you not to wear underwear huh? Want to be hip and never think of the consequences.”

I couldn’t help chiding these youngsters. Either they don’t wear underwear, or they would wear a teeny weeny piece of cloth over their private parts, …… young men and women nowadays, tsk tsk tsk…….

Whenever I tried to gently pry the zipper from the skin, Gerard would be howling in pain. I was sweating in the hot cubicle. There was a commotion outside now as more people came to know of it. We had to lock the door of the toilet.

I examined the dick ahem ……, area carefully, trying to find a solution. Half an hour had passed and we were clueless. Seems like the only thing to do was to go to the hospital. But this is such a minor accident. Gerard is would be a laughing stock.

I called Chris, twittered and pinged. Hoping someone can come up with a solution. Finally after an hour of trying and serious brainstorming, we have to make this announcement to Gerard.

“Joe and Man are going to hold you down. Remember how our Moms used to tear the plaster from your healed wounds? I’m gonna do a very fast zip down. It’ll be over in seconds. Bear the pain for a while. Be a man, ok?”

“Noooooo!!!”

“Don’t anyhow move or I’ll tear a whole strip of skin from your pecker! Arshad, get me the rubber bone from my table, let him bite on it. er…. Gerard, you pee already or not yet? Don’t pee on me hor.”

By then, another few guys returned to the office because of an ‘emergency sms’. The kaypohs (busybodies)! Henry (remember my Creative Director) was doubling up in laughter. He offered to be the Executor. Everyone was poking fun at poor Gerard.

The moment finally arrived. I had to be the ruthless Executor (Gerard trusts me more). We made Gerard lie down on his back across two chairs, 4 guys held down his hands and legs. Henry covered Gerard’s face with a jacket.

Secretly and silently, trying very hard to contain our laughter, we posed for a few pictures first, hahahaha…. We were so wicked hor! Then we told Gerard to take a deep breath and then zippp! It was over!

Sounds so easy. Gerard almost jumped out of his skin and the guys have to really hold him down. A tiny piece of skin and a little speck of blood was sacrificed. Gerard took it like a man! There was a drop of tear at the edge of his right eye though. awwww…… hehehe….

After washing my hands, I told Gerard,”From now on, your dick is mine! I saved it.” muahahahaha…..

A warning to all my staff, if any of my photos go public, your dicks and pussies would be mine. No hehehe.

And to those ‘pig frenz and dog buddies’ who thought I was having an affair - go fug yourself! Geez………

Her Diary
*******

Day night, I thought he was acting
Weird. We had made
Plans to meet at a
cafe to have some coffee. I was
Shopping with my friends
All day long, so I

Thought he was upset at the fact that I
Was a bit late,
But he made no
Comment.Conversation wasn’t flowing so
I suggested that
We go somewhere
Quiet so we could talk, he agreed but
He kept quiet and
Absent.I asked
Him what was wrong - he said,
“Nothing.”I asked him if

It was my fault
That he was upset. He said it had
Nothing to do with me

And not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved
Him, he simply
Smiled and kept
Driving. I can’t explain his
Behavior; I don’t know
Why he didn’t say,

“I love u,too.”When we got home I felt
As if I had lost

Him, as if he
Wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat
There and watched TV.;
He seemed distant and absent.Finally I
Decided to go to
Bed. About 10
Minutes later he came to bed. I decided
That I could not
Take it anymore,
So I decided to confront him with the
Situation but he
Had fallen asleep.I Started crying and cried
until I too Fell asleep. I
Don’t know what to
Do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts
Are with someone
Else. My life is a
Disaster.
.
.
.
.
.

His diary
*******

Today Liverpool lost to ManU.

DAMN IT.

Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You says in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to seller bread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me.

Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me.

I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me.

Goo bye…..

Worm regard,

Ah Beng

Once upon a time, a man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He
reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and
shouted. “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him
an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied. “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 50 and 51 degrees
north latitude and between 114 and 115 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically
correct, but I’ve no idea what to make use of your information. The fact
is, I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything,
you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in management.”

“I am,”replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re
going.You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is, you are in exactly the
same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, you’ve managed
to make it my fault!!”

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug to 200 meters and headlines in the US papers read: “US scientists have found traces of 2000-year-old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephones 1000 years earlier than the Russians.”

One week later, the Singapore newspapers reported the following : “After digging as deep as 500 meters, Singaporean scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology.”

a very good read on how someone scamming a scammer… and in my opinion he got owned pretty badly!

Link

A priest offered a lift to a nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit apart to reveal a shapely leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand onto her thigh. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her thigh again. The nun once again said, “Father, please remember Psalm 129!” The priest apologized. “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Bob called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner. “Hello?” said a little girl’s voice.

“Hi, honey, it’s Daddy,” said Bob. “Is mommy near the phone?”

“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank.”

After a brief pause, Bob said, “But you don’t have an Uncle Frank, honey!”

“Yes I do. He’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!”

“Okay, then. Here’s what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car just pulled up outside the house.”

“Okay, Daddy!” A few minutes later, the little girl came back to the phone. “Well, I did what you said, Daddy.” “And what happened?”

“Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she’s all dead.”

“Oh my god! And what about Uncle Frank?”

“He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that you took out all the water last week to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool, and now he’s dead too.”

There was a long pause, then Bob said, “Swimming pool? Is this 555- 7039?”

It’s an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

1.  Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own “balls” in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez’s scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez’s scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury , Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

(NB: This last one wouldn’t normally count, because the idiot didn’t die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.)

more over here 

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match