A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.

Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes it is.”

Boy- “I have a baseball.”

Man- “That’s nice.”

Boy- “Want to buy it?”

Man- “No, thanks.”

Boy- “My dad’s outside.”

Man- “OK, how much?”

Boy- “$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.

Boy- “Dark in here.”

Man- “Yes, it is.”

Boy- “I have a baseball glove.”

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy- “$750.”

Man- “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball back and forth.”

The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

The son says “$1,000.”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.”

probably that’s the only thing that he knows

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. This is what one retiree said……

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’ He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Dumb ass. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So Mary called him a **** head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived and we got on it and went home.. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age.

…know what (not) to say just in case you are going there!

Attakai - Warm
Ahsoko - That was hot
Atsui - Hot
Binbin (kuru) - To get a hard-on
Chi-chi - tits
Chin-chin - penis
Chin-chin tateru - ‘penis is erect’ also used for nipples
Chin-chin genki - penis is erect/hard
Chinpo chodai - Really big penis
Choto - A bit
Daijoubu - I’m ok / alright
Dai-ski - I love it
Dame! - No good / Stop it
Dameoshi - Sure / Ok (a shy or unshure way of expressing)
Doko (ni) - Where?
Noko (ni) - Here
Don-don - Faster
Donna kanji? - How does it feel?
Dou? - How was it?
Gansha - Facial
Gokkun - Swallow
Hazugashi - Embarassed
Hen - Weird / Abnormal
Hoshi - Want
Icha/ichatta - I’ve cum
Idai - ‘Great’ only heard this a few times
Iku - I’m cumming!!
Ikitai - I want to cum
Ip-pai detta - Lots of cum
Irette? - Can I put it in?
Iritai - I want to put it in
Itai - Ouch / That Hurts/ It hurts
Kawaii - Cute
Kimochi? - Does that feel good?
Kimochi? - That feels good
Kimochi warui - Feels bad
Kimochi yokatta - That was great
Kuri(chan) - Clitoris
Mitai - I want to see
Monde - Massage them (breasts)
Mot-to - more
Nadakashi - Creampie (Refers to ejaculating inside the woman’s vagina )
Nametai - I want to lick them
Onani - Masturbate
Ookii / Sugoku ookii! - It’s big!
Oishii - ‘Delicious’ usually said when the gal is giving fellatio, or eating cum
Omanko misete ageru - I’ll show you my pussy
Ookii ni naru - It’s become big
Ookii ni naru - Breasts
Sekusu shitai - I want to have 53x
Sekusu shita koto ga nai - I’m a virgin
Shaboo - Suck
Shakuhachi - BJ
Sugoy - Wow! (said in amazement)
Suwatte - Sit down
Tatte - Stand up (same word using for erect penis/tits)
Tekkoki - Hand job
Yada / Yada Yo! - Don’t / Stop it / Desist
Yamerou - Don’t (Aggressive - generally only said by men)
Yamete kudasai - Please stop
Yarashii - ‘That’s dirty/digusting’ in a sexual way
Yokata - Glad / Relief
Zamen - Cum
Zamen oishii - Delicious cum
Zamen motto hoshii - ‘I want more cum’ - I hear in those bukkake ones
Zamuru - Don’t (Aggressive - generally only said by men)

taken from here

*This is SO TRUE…………. hahaha……. make sure to read the last
part….. very funny but good comparisons…… hats off to the person who
wrote this.*

*Mr Wong says so….

There are several simple reasons why many Singaporean employers are
reluctant to give their maids a day off.*

*You see, if the maid runs away, the government will fine the employer
$5,000. If the maid commits a crime such as shoplifting, the government will
fine the employer $5,000.*

*If the maid is caught having sex with someone, the government will fine the
employer $5,000. If the maid gets pregnant, the government will also fine
the employer $5,000.*

**

*If you didn’t know any of the above, then either you do not employ a maid,
or you didn’t read the small print of the Manpower Ministry’s work permit
conditions.*

*Many employers are afraid that if their maid has a day off and gets into
trouble, the employer will not only have to solve the trouble, but also have
to fork out $5,000 as a free gift to the government.*

**

*Intuitively, this smacks of gross unfairness. The employer gets punished
not for something he did, but for something that somebody else (the maid)
did. Furthermore, once the maid leaves the employer’s residence, the
employer has no way of monitoring where the maid goes and what she does
there.*

**

*We may draw a curious parallel with Mas Selamat’s escape, and PM Lee’s
determined, if muddled, defence of Home Affairs Minister Wong Kan Seng in
Parliament. *

*Mas Selamat ran away. But PM Lee said that Wong Kan Seng was not at fault
and should not be punished in any way. *

**

*The reason being that Wong Kan Seng personally did not do anything which
allowed Mas Selamat to escape.*

*Strangely, if your maid runs away, it IS your fault and you SHOULD be
punished. Even if you did not personally do anything to let her run away
(apart from giving her a day off).*

**

*Similarly, if your maid becomes pregnant, it IS your fault and you SHOULD
be punished. Even if you did not personally do anything to make her
pregnant.*

**

*Oh well. What can I say? Maids are not terrorists. But then you are not
Wong Kan Seng. So the rules remain stacked against you. Wong Kan Seng gets
off lightly, but you won’t. Even if his lapse has far greater, and graver,
implications than yours.*

**

*Your runaway maid wouldn’t blow up Changi Airport , would she?*

20 Everyday Items If They Were Designed For Batman

credits to macrofolio

you can go suicide now

Bush Proposes Sending Transformersâ„¢ to Iraq
Awards $85B Defense Contract to Hasbro

Increasingly frustrated by the Iraqi government’s failure to meet a series of defined benchmarks, President George W. Bush today proposed sending a group of giant robots known as the Transformers™ to Iraq.

Aides to the president were vague as to when Mr. Bush arrived at his new Transformersâ„¢ strategy, but sources say that he devised the plan last week, shortly after a surprise visit to a multiplex in Bethesda, Maryland.

In announcing his new proposal, the president authorized an $85 billion defense contract to Hasbro, believed to be the largest military contract of its kind ever awarded to a toy company.

At a White House press conference, the president expressed his confidence that the Transformersâ„¢ would succeed where the Iraq government had failed.

“I’d like to see what would happen if al-Qaeda tried to attack one of our tanks, and instead the tank got up on its legs and turned out to be a robot and started shooting at them,” Mr. Bush said. “That would be so cool.”

But even as the president announced his new plan for victory in Iraq, congressional critics questioned the wisdom of dispatching Transformersâ„¢ to the war-torn nation.

“A tank that can turn into a giant robot is awesome, but it’s not an exit strategy,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV).

Responding to his critics, Mr. Bush said that he would announce an exit strategy later this week after consulting with his newest advisor, J.K. Rowling.

“She has experience at ending things,” Mr. Bush said.

Elsewhere, China announced plans to send a new brand of rat poison to the United States under the name “Delicious Cupcakes.”